Vacation, all I ever wanted

It has been quite a while since I posted here; my other interests have been consuming all of my free time, and writing posts has not seemed so important. I haven't played in many blogger tournaments lately, because my FTP bankroll has become totally depleted from playing in blogger tournaments I needed a break. I did win one of those satellites to a satellite in the Poker Stars WSOP run-up, and then traded in some WSOP $ for real $ with some guy on 2+2. I don't know why they don't just have a trade-in directly on the site; Full Tilt charges 5% for their trade-in, so they might make a bit of money. Anyway, I'm trying to build up some money in my FTP account, but it's not working out so well at the moment.

I also started another blog at Green Chutney, to chronicle our attempts to become less wasteful. Even that has been slow this month, as I have also started reading the political blogs, such as Daily Kos. Poker has sure been a shroud over my eyes the past 4 years, as I glanced at the headlines in the Globe or Times, and spent all of my free time playing and/or reading about poker. Now, I'm still playing some, and I'm still reading most of the poker blogs that I've read over the past couple of years, but I'm letting posts build up, or only hitting my favorites if I have just a few minutes in the morning. Now, I've been reading only the front section of the Globe or Times in depth, and read Daily Kos quite a bit. I barely watch any television at all -- I'll flip on a poker show at 11:00 at night, or watch the new green channel for a little while before bed.

It's a very scary world out there, and most people in the United States are so concerned with their next purchase of a plastic/electronic piece of junk, or whether their new "outfit" makes their boobs look good, or complaining about gas prices, that they have no clue how good they have it. Try getting beaten, tortured or raped for supporting a particular political candidate. Or being born with AIDS. Or contracting malaria, as 300-500 million people will this year.

We're on vacation this week, off to the Cape for a few days, then back. We were planning to drive down to Maryland, but Granny's recent health problems make it more sensible for us to remain close to home. I think I will bring the laptop, so I can catch up on all my reading and writing. It's going to be nice to sit in the ocean, bake in the sun, and wake up late every morning. It has been my goal all year to use up all of my time off. Just to keep up with where I was last year, I will have to take something like 27 days off. At the end of next year, I will be eligible for a 3-week sabbatical in addition to regular time off. So 2010 may involve a nice 2-month vacation. Something to look forward to.

Lost

OK, I'm not Lost, but I have watched the show since the beginning, and I'm still very confused. If you enjoy the show, and want to get unconfused about it, check out Julius Goat's blog. His commentary is often incisive and always funny. He promises to have an uber-post up by tomorrow or so. In the meantime, you can catch up on all the Lost episodes from the past.


I'm going to play in Kat's Donkament tonight, as she has promised to continue the tradition. Yay! Thanks Kat!

I've played a few Pot-Limit Omaha Hi-Lo Turbo Sit-n-Go tournaments lately, and have been doing OK. In one instance, I mistakenly signed up for a Holdem tournament instead, and won that one. However, in the BBT3, I've been doing terribly lately. I busted out on the first hand of one tournament. It was my first and only hand of No-limit Omaha Hi-Lo -- this was a while ago, but I'll try to remember. I had T987, with 2 suits, and I said to myself, Oh no, this is not going to be pretty. I limped, someone raised, the big blind called, and I called. This is not a great hand because of all the middle cards, but it's such a tempting hand, because you can have a ton of draws. Of course the flop gave me the flush, an open-ended straight flush draw, and two pair for a draw to a full house. I bet out and the big blind called. Not great for me, as this should have signaled me that he had a higher flush. The turn gave me 3 pair and one more out, for a total of 7 as it turns out. The big blind bet, and I pushed all in, and of course my opponent called with the nut flush plus a low draw. The river gave me 4 pair, as I couldn't suck out, and lost all my chips on my only hand ever of NLO8. That gives me a winrate of -10,000 big blinds per 100 hands lifetime in NLO8.

The last tournament of the BBt3 is this Sunday, in Miami Don's Big Game. I guess I'll try to win a token and see if I can cash in the last tournament.

Bankroll management

I definitely have a problem with bankroll management. Before we went to Europe, I stashed my bancake in a file folder, and then forgot where I put it. No problem, I haven't been playing any live poker, so I didn't miss it. I think just before we left, I made a deposit on Poker Stars, and made a mental note to transfer the cash from my bancake to my lunch money or to the wife's lunch money, or whatever. OK, fine. The other day, I went to make the transfer, and couldn't find it anywhere. I went through all the usual hiding places, and finally, it dawned on me as I was coming downstairs after having cleaned out my sock drawer for the third time, I put it in a file somewhere! So I quickly dug it out, made the transfer to my pocket, and put it back in its regular hiding place. (I'm not sure why I felt the cleaners would my money while we were in Europe; we're often not here when they are, and they've never taken it before.)

Later, changed into shorts, because it was a warm day, and I had to drive my son to baseball practice or a game. I stuck the lunch money in my shorts, just in case. The next morning, I brought the laundry down, and went to work with no lunch money! Oh, I also had to renew my license, so it's a good thing they take credit cards! The next day I also went to work with no lunch money! I stopped at the ATM machine and entered my PIN number. Finally when I got home that night, I went down and fished my money out of my shorts. This is the second time in the last few weeks that I have had to rescue wads of twenties from the laundry -- the first time, the machine was running, and I had to stop it just in time. Those laundered bills are always a little smaller, I guess because they use cotton in the paper.

Sheesh, what a dope.

Wii are Faam-a-lii

Wii've had our Wii for a few wiiks now, and I don't think the kids have watched more than a couple of hours of television in total since then. So I guess that is one check box in its favor. I think the last video game console that I owned was an original 8-bit Nintendo that I got second-hand from a teenager who was buying the next version. This was back in 1992 or so. It's good to see how far the graphics have come since then -- umm, at least Mario had arms, right? What is it with the floating hands in the baseball game? The kids received it right after wii got back from Amsterdam, on my daughter's birthday. It was after wii had already celebrated her birthday, and shii had opened her presents, and they flipped out.

It's fun playing baseball or tennis or bowling with the kids, and there's a ton more to explore. Wii just got the Wii Fit on the day after it came out (I think, Coffii Jones put her name on a waiting list.) I did my initial evaluation, and it said I'm 52 years old in Wii years. That's not so good. So I punched in a goal to lower my BMI from 23 point something to 22 point something over four wiiks. OK, two days later, I did it again, and I'm down to 36 Wii years old. Must have been all that biir and wiine I drank last night! Now the crazy thing is that my 10-year-old son has a goal to lose 4 pounds, and his BMI is only 15! I'll bet Ana and Mia are happy about the new Wii Fit. I told him hii's a kid, and should be gaining weight, not losing it.

I enjoy some of the balance games; two of them are skiing related. After a few sessions, more routines are opened up. The rhythmic boxing one may make one break a sweat eventually. Other than that, it's not much of a workout. Some of the strength routines are OK (female trainer, view from behind, LDO.) There's one that involves pushups on the board, and then twisting your body over while supporting yourself with one hand. I don't usually do pushups with my hands flat on the floor, as it hurts my wrists, so I grab the edge of the board. There's another one that involves resting your foreams on the board, and then keeping your body in a pushup-like position for a set amount of time. On that one, I scored couch potato! Hmm... I haven't tried the yoga yet, and I'm not sure how they integrate the board into a yoga routine. One thing that is a little annoying is the shortness of the routines, and the length of time between routines. 4-5 clicks with a few seconds between each click can make your 30-minute "workout" turn into 40-45 minutes.

Overall, I think the Wii is a good addition for our familii, and it is slightly better for the kids to be jumping around swinging their arms than sitting on the couch when getting their scriin time.

Poker Stars freerolls

I've tried a couple of the WSOP freerolls on Poker Stars, and made it to the low 200's out of 3400 tonight. With the blinds and antes escalating so fast, it quickly becomes a luckfest, but with some good opportunities for stealing with an all-in raise after a couple of limpers. There's also the dead money players, who are sitting out during the first few levels. There were a couple of these at my first two tables, and I noticed a strategy by one player to minraise in early position when the dead money was in the blinds. That might be a decent strategy, as you can shut out some of the players who would call for their share of the dead money, but you are not committing too many chips in case of a reraise. If I ever get some dead money directly to my left, I'll have to try a reraise steal when I notice a player using this strategy.

I'm not sure why I'm playing in these freerolls, as I won't be able to go to Vegas during the Main Event anyway. We're heading off to a retired friend's retirement party house on the Cape around then. And then driving to Maryland and back.

How to win the Donkament

I won Kat's Donkament last night, and need to update my donkament strategy, which I previously posted.

Step 1: Make sure you play the "next 5 hands all in" when Kat sez so. I did this (or at least called the all-in) all 11 times, and built up massive karma points for ...

Step 2: Get crazy good cards, and have them hold up:

Hand	# of times	Win%
AA	5	100
AKs	1	100
AKo	1	100
AQo	6	100
ATs	3	67
Etc.	Etc.	Etc.

Step 3: Double up against the chip leader, and become the new chip leader.

Step 4: Flop the nut flush heads up, and have your opponent bluff you off of your "draw".

Step 5: Profit!!! Or, maybe not, maybe just get back some of the cash that I've burned off in the weekly Friday night tournament. If I'm anywhere close to break-even, I'm way ahead life-wise. It's my favorite tournament of the week -- nice start time, great format, and friendly people who will not go ballistic if you make a bad play.

Today I did a lot of yard work, including pulling up almost all of the wild garlic (I think that's what it is), gathering and bagging or cutting up all the sticks, and starting on the raking and dandelion pulling. I don't remember this many sticks last year; it seems as though all of our trees dropped a branch or two over the winter. Anyway, I'm way behind on house stuff, partly due to being in Europe for vacation instead of at home. So, I worked all day, and into the evening, and now I'm about ready to fall asleep.

Minraises

I'm getting killed by minraises, in tournaments and cash games. There are at least two types of minraises, the clueless minraise and the minraise that wants you to call. What the hell are you going to do with a minraise? Reraise? Call? Fold? Rewinding to check behind or to check in hopes that he will slowplay his monster would be the best option, but I don't have that button. I was so frustrated last night that I ejaculated insults at my opponents while trying to watch television with Coffee Jones. She told me to STFU, and not get so upset. I guess I must have been on tilt. It's not the beats that get me, it when I play bad, or when someone outplays me continually that I get frustrated. Time to change tables I guess.

I'm playing in another BBT3 tournament tonight, the Riverchasers. After my quick start, I haven't done much lately. I decided after the first few weeks not to play in the later starting and/or more expensive events, so that leaves two tournaments a week, starting at 9:00 and 9:30. That's not too bad, and the way I've been playing, leaves plenty of time for sleep.

Spatial relationships

Driving in the U.K. was difficult, because my brain has a model built up of what a car is, and the model includes everything from where my body should be in relation to side of the road, how to make a left turn, how to pull out into a gap in the fast lane, and everything else that is completely automatic about driving in my usual milieu. When plunked into a wide SUV on narrow roads with cars parked on both sides, and asked to drive on the wrong side of the road with the shift lever on the wrong side, my mental model breaks down, and I have to use brain power just to keep the car's position and velocity approximately correct. Brain power that is normally used for things like reading signs, navigating, talking, eating, or looking for cool stuff. It can be exhausting. After each long drive, I would ask when my next driving assignment was, and upon hearing that it was more than 12 hours away, I would crack open that first (refrigerated) beer. Glass to lips is another one of those automatic actions!

We drove from Fountain's Abbey to Newcastle to catch the ferry, and my toture was almost over for the vacation. Just one last exercise in navigation -- dropping off the rental in downtown Newcastle. So I asked a friendly bobby, and he pointed to a large entertainment building and said to follow it around, but don't go in the far right lane. So I did this, went straight, and then noticed that the building was fading off to my left. So, with the rental car place less than one block in front of me, and probably visible if I had been looking at it, I made the next left, and wandered around for a while. Finally, I pulled into a parking lot, and called the rental company. As I was describing where I was, I saw a sign down the hill with the the word Westmoreland in the name of a business. Since Westmoreland was the name of the street the rental place was on, I was happy. The employee said they were right across the street from that building. Once I dropped off the car, I asked where the train station was, and she pointed at this large building, when I realized -- Doh! -- it was only 2 blocks back to where I had asked the cop for directions. I also remembered the map that I had looked at on the web before the trip, when the rental location looked real close to the train station. So now I have a great, but probably useless mental model of downtown Newcastle.

We took a bus from the train station to the ferry terminal, and boarded the ferry. The security guys gave me the full frisk, but did not touch the rest of my family. Maybe my "angry liberal" attitude shows when I come in contact with papers-please-asking control freaks. Anyway, the ship was much nicer than we thought it would be. We were expecting something akin to the Scotia Prince, but it was closer to the Norwegian Majesty. Unfortunately, the casino was not as good as the ones on the aforementioned vessels. So, no poker for Daddy. I chatted with the potential child molester Kids' Club pirate character, making sure he wasn't going to take my daughter to find any "special treasure." I did this by juggling three balls to show that I could hold my own in any potential entertainer-vs.-parent battles. He said that his son is also a juggler, and they sometimes perform in Amsterdam, so I felt that was enough to leave them alone for a little while at least.

We slept like crap, possibly because we were so far down as to qualify as ballast in case the ship was riding too low in the water. I tried to determine whether we were under water, and I'm guessing that we were not. We were on deck 2, with just 1, engine room, bilge, and Davey Jones levels below us. I don't know, is it legal to have passengers below water level on a ferry?

When we got to Amsterdam, we dropped the bags at the hotel office, and went to get some lunch. We ended up buying the canal boat tickets for the day, up to noon the following day. When we got back to the office, the bitch who cheated me manager told us that our houseboat was unavailable! What the frickin' frick?! After some discussions, we ended up taking a 2-bedroom apartment for 200 euros a night. Not what we wanted, but who wants to go traipsing around Amsterdam with 5 people looking for rooms at 5:00 in the afternoon. Make that 17.00. Well, she will be getting a horrible review from me on the travel site where I found the Amsterdam House.

Our standard operating procedure in Amsterdam was to walk for an hour, then eat for an hour. Repeat until overcome by sleep. We took it pretty easy, as I only dragged the family through one museum. My wife was quite taken with the architecture in the city center, and also by the cafe lifestyle. I met her shortly after arriving back in the U.S. from having lived in Amsterdam for the better part of a year, and I would throw in Dutch phrases here or there, and regale her with stories of sitting around drinking biertjes or coffees outside at one of the pleins. Now she understands how cool it really is. However, it was cheap back then. A small beer was maybe 2 or 3 guilders, and the dollar was worth 1.8 guilders. Nowadays, a small beer is 2 or 3 euros, and the euro is worth 1.6 dollars. According to a friend, when they switched to euros, everything went way up in price, as they just erased the ­ ­ ƒ symbol and replaced it with the € symbol. So that's almost a tripling of prices in 15 years. Maybe that's not a lot, but it seems like it to me.

I was disoriented somewhat, because my memories of exact street locations and orientation of the major pleins are faulty. I still have the basic shape of the city correctly mapped, as I used to study the map for dozens of minutes per week. I used to be one of these young people casually avoiding getting run down by a bicyclist or taxi. But now, I'm just another tourist gawking at the buildings and people, and getting dinged at by said cyclists. I had the location of Rembrantplein right, but the British pub was in a corner rotated 90 degrees from where I remember it. It's very strange how memory can work. The school where I took Dutch classes now is missing the large set of stone steps that I remember on the outside of it (or maybe they were on the inside?)

My wife remarked about how good-looking everyone was, and I craftily told her I hadn't really noticed. She wants to go back, and I would not mind, as a starting point for a nice sabbatical in 2010. The funniest part of the trip was a small moment where I was in Leidseplein with my son, looking for a newsstand, and I wandered into the Bulldog, a famous coffeeshop. There were a couple of tables of potheads with fancy-looking marijuana ready to roll, and I quickly turned tail. Perhaps strangely to some, I didn't take a single puff, toke, or bong hit the entire time I lived in Amsterdam, although friends would regularly offer it. The Bulldog seemed to have moved to the other side of the plein, and I think the nearby McDonalds was in the same place, but turned into a Burger King.

On the last full day, we took the train to The Hague to meet a friend of my wife. We had some poffertjes, little pancakes with butter and sugar:



Here's what they looked like when complete:
I'm not too into the sugar, but the buttery goodness was irresistible. If you like both buttery and sugary goodness, then poffertjes are for you.

We walked right through the Dutch Parliament building's courtyard, with no security other than some anti-vehicle posts and some video cameras. That is in stark contrast to the metal-detector/buffer zones around the U.S. Congress and White House.

Then we did take the tram (which I mistakenly omitted from my previous post) to Madurodam, which is a miniature city covering a couple of acres, and comprising many famous buildings from many Dutch cities. At first I thought it was very lame, but as I wandered around, it kind of grew on me. The buildings are quite detailed, and there are so many of them. What is the mentality of a person who works on a miniature city? Do they stand in front of the real building for hours? Do they just work from pictures? Do they imagine themselves as small people standing in front of the small building? Does Elmo know? Does Dorothy know?

Maintenance

We got back from our European vacation on Saturday, and then immediately went into full blown activity mode. When you ignore items, the items rust and rot away, and then mushrooms and insects start to spontaneously generate thereupon, until, voilà, the roof is leaking, the front bumper of the car falls off during a downpour when the car is supposed to be picking up the kids at school, and you have 758 emails to delete. Maintenance is hard, though, so the fewer items you give yourself to maintain, the better off you are. That is why Phil Hellmuth is so good at No-Limit Holdem tournaments, and why NASCAR drivers can do a pit stop in 12 seconds. Focus is the key; multitasking is evil.

We had a great time in England and Holland for 9 days. We traveled by car, shuttle bus, airplane, car on the wrong side of the road, foot, ferry boat, bus, canal boat, and train. Strangely, we did not travel by tram or bicycle while we were in Amsterdam. We waited in many lines, and were usually last in line, since we had five people, three of whom were outside the first standard deviation for quickness.

First, we flew from Boston To Amsterdam, then changed planes, and flew from Amsterdam to Manchester. It took us quite a while to get through immigration and customs, because of the aforementioned outliers. Then, it took us a while to get our car, then we had to get some food and try to find a bathroom in the under construction terminal. Finally, we hit the (wrong side of the) road, and 242 rotaries later, we arrived at Studley Royal, which is a deer park near Fountain's Abbey in Yorkshire. We stayed in the Chorister's House:




The deer were all over the place, as were the giant old trees, several of which had fallen. It's not a forest, but more of a field with big trees scattered about. They leave the fallen trees as part of the "ecosystem", but the smaller trees have fences around them, presumably to prevent the deer from destroying them. Here's a pic of the largest diameter tree near the house:



That's my ten-year-old son standing in front of the tree, so as you can see, one of the pieces that had fallen was about four feet in diameter, and the main trunk was probably ten feet in diameter.

We had a couple of days of parties, including a trip to the nearby Lightwater Valley amusement park, which boasts the longest roller coaster in Europe, or maybe the longest wooden one in the world -- something like that. The kids did great, with my son going on everything that I did, and my daughter trying many more rides than I thought she would.

Then we had the big event, Magdalen's wedding. You can see her recap and photos at her blog. It was a beautiful day, the first since we had arrived, sunny and warm. After a nice short ceremony, we went down to the foyer of the Fountain's Hall and had a Pimm's cup, which was quite good. My wife brought home a bottle last time she went, so we'll have to serve that on nice hot summer days here in New England. We wandered around the ruins of Fountain's Abbey, which is very impressive:



I think I'll just stop here, and write another post about Amsterdam.

Counting down

We're headed to England and Holland in a few days, so the weekend was spent in a mad scramble to get things done before we leave. We're going to Magdalen's wedding in Yorkshire, at Fountain's Abbey, staying in the Corrister's House in Studley Royal. The bachelor party will be at an amusement park, so probably no strippers, though you never know. At the same time, for the ladies, there will be a tea party. My daughter has her choice between the two, and she says it is a very hard choice. Maybe for you it is, kid, but my decision is made. It's not that the rides and midway games are calling me, but more that I don't really like tea. :-) I can't wait to experience carny shock -- that feeling of knowing you are being completely ripped off as you pay $5 to throw 3 dull darts at Hoppity-Hop-thickness balloons in a vain attempt to win a plastic lei -- except this time, in pounds sterling. I'm not sure my aging heart will be able to handle it, when I multiply everything by 2.

After the wedding, we take a ferry from Newcastle-Upon-Tyne to Amsterdam's ferry terminal, from which we take a bus to Centraal Station. We will stay on a houseboat for a few days -- the price seemed reasonable when expressed in Euros, but yikes! We will be looking at museums and historical places, and taking a side trip to The Hague, where we will visit with the wife of a war crimes tribunal lawyer. I will probably not get to play any PLO against the Europeans while I am there, and that is very likely a good thing for me. Who knows what could happen to my pathetic US dollar-denominated "bancake" if I tried to puff it up to meet the buy-in for a 1/2 Euro game.

I will also miss playing in a bunch of blogger tournaments, such as the Riverchasers on Thursday, Kat's Donkament on Friday, and the Skills game on Tuesday. There is no way I'm bringing a computer with me on this trip -- what would the point be? OK, I suppose to write about my wonderful experiences. But doesn't that detract from the experience sometimes? I think so. We're not even bringing the better camera, because it's too big. I'm still not so sure about that decision, but I guess the little Canon does OK, and it has the wide-angle lens. I looked into posting photos or text from my cell phone, but, I have a lame cell phone, so no dice. In fact, it won't even work over there, so we are renting cell phones from Verizon Wireless for free*. We pay a per-minute charge of $0.99-1.29, but no rental fee, and no shipping charges. Of course, the battery in our doorbell pick this morning to die, so I haven't got my hands on the phones yet...

Well, in any case, no posts until I get back, and then I will have a few up my sleeve.

:wq

Red light district

I've been thinking about whores a lot lately. We're going to Amsterdam, so we may catch a glimpse of a real-life prostitute. We'll be staying less than 1/2 a mile from the Heineken Brouwerij, so we may just "get lost" on the way back to the houseboat. Of course, I would never go there on purpose. Or would I? I just may be in the window myself, as I accept money for acts that I would not otherwise do in my full time job. Nothing illegal or unseemly, mind you, but the mere fact that I toil under the yoke of a corporate master makes me a whore.

Let me think about the non-whores in my life: my wife, who several years ago quit her day job to buy a needlework business (previously her hobby, and something she loves); my mother, who retired and now is able to do her art full time; my mother-in-law, who retired, and now volunteers for the ACLU; my sister, who quit her day job, and does lots of crafty stuff now; my sister-in-law, who took a retirement package and now is a freelancer. All of them do what they love for zero through quite a bit of money, money that does not have to be split with a pimp. And I am turning tricks for the man, turning wave after wave of brain activity into cold hard cash for the shareholders.

Don't get me wrong; I am a high-paid hooker, but, to paraphrase that famous someone who once said to the Duchess of something, we've established what you are sir, now we just have to establish the price.

There is a bonus currently available on PokerStars, and so now the low-limit tables are full of bonus-whoring rocks. The tables went from fairly loose to very tight in one day. So, I will make the deposit on the last day before we go to Amsterdam, and wait until the sharks have disappeared before I work on my low-priced tricks.

My cash game win streak continued after leaving Vegas, as I was up each day until the streak finally broke on Tuesday. I'm starting a new streak, though, on Full Tilt, while I wait for the blood on Poker Stars to dissipate.

:wq

Fool in Vegas

Synopsis:

A quick trip to Vegas to play poker. I played a lot of poker.

By the numbers:

Door-to-door round trip time: 62 hours
Poker time: 26 hours
Total air travel-related time: 20 hours
Total non-airplane sleep: 10 hours


This trip really started in October of 2006, when my then-boss' boss needed a booth bimbo for a conference in Vegas. I volunteered, and because of that trip, earned
enough frequent flyer points for a free ticket. I delayed using the ticket until it was ready to expire, and even tried to give it away to several family members, to no avail. Like the island in 'Lost', Vegas was pulling me back, and nothing would stand in the way of its magnetic powers. Vegas was circling for the kill as I booked a two nights for the price of one room at the Palms, right in the mouth of the shark. I was determined to feed off the shark as a remora does, rather than be chomped by it, as a porpoise is. In and out for a quick bite of no-limit hold 'em cash games, plus a tournament, with no extra-curricular activities, drinking binges, blackjack or roulette.

It was a challenge to myself to see if I can handle playing against real poker players in no-limit games. I've only played live no-limit cash games on a small cruise ship, against some pretty bad players. Vegas would be completely different, as the wise guys, wanna-be pros, and other serious players mix with the online players and the occasional tourist. Why do I want to challenge myself like this? I guess I would like to be able to walk into any poker room, live or online, sit down, and have a better than average chance of winning money. To do that, I will have to play against players that are better than I, and learn how they do it.

I planned to play only 1/2 no-limit, and a tournament at Caesar's. I was also going to play it by ear when I arrived at the Palms late Sunday night or early Monday morning Vegas time. It turned out I arrived at the Palms poker room just before 1 am on Monday, and there was a 2/5 no limit, and 2/4 and 4/8 limit games going. I passed on dropping my limited "bankroll" (more like a bankpancake) in a single hand to the crazy Palms players, and decided to play some low limit. I did OK against some drunk people and convention-goers, until a new player showed up and started straddling. The conventioneers had left, replaced by locals, and game became more loose and wild. I was getting into pots where the pot was so big that I was going to see the turn no matter what, and would then call down a turn and river bet with marginal hands, because the pots were so big. Argh. OK, so not a great start, but I did not lose too much.

The next day, I planned to head to Caesars' Palace to play in the 1:00 tournament, but first decided to fuel up at the Palms buffet. I really tried to eat well, and had a giant salad on several occasions, including this one. Unfortunately, the seating goddess decided to seat me facing a table where a young lady's "coin slot" was clearly visible. Unfortunate? Yes. For the coin slot in question was more properly a "Yap gap", to coin a term. I still managed to fill up on salad and prime rib, which was the best of a fairly unhealthy buffet.

I made it to Caesar's in plenty of time, only to find that the tournament was at noon. Damn no Internet existence. Why should I have to drag a laptop with me across the country just to check tournament times? It was bizarre being in a situation where I needed information, knew that it was right there, but could not access it. That happened several times throughout the trip. Maybe we will have to get those iPhones.

So I joined a 1/3 no limit game that started up shortly after I arrived, and signed up for the 3 o'clock tournament. An Asian woman sat down at the other end of the table, and started chatting with the other players. From her voice and from what I remembered of her picture, and from the fact that she covered up her right eye in order to see my remaining stack and a bill that I had in play, I knew I was sitting at the same table as BWoP. When I got home, I checked my facts, and it turns out I was wrong. I'm glad I didn't make any comments like, "Oh, you've got ace-jack, eh?" Or, "Are you CK?" This woman bought in for $100, and left with about $500 less than two hours later. Nice.

Meanwhile, the game was a lot of calling preflop raises 4-6 ways, and then checking around on the flop and turn. Also a lot of smallish bets into these inflated pots. I had no idea what I was doing, but managed to escape with just a minor loss after a suckout.

I played the tournament and ended up going out with a short stack with 66 against two other players, one with AJ, and one with AK. A jack came on the flop, and a king on the turn, and off I went to find the monorail. Except on the way to the monorail, I saw the sign for the Imperial Palace, and decided to check it out. I saw the almost famous Geisha Bar, and then found the poker room. I sat down in a loose 1/2 no limit game, and chatted with the guys at my end of the table. They told me that the old guys at the other end of the table would not lay down a hand, and so we discussed strategies for winning their chips. I figured the best way is to value bet with larger than normal bets. This strategy worked, but only after I lost a buy-in to one of the guys
at my end of the table, with a flopped set vs. a turned straight. Maybe I could have gotten away from the hand, but I didn't. Again at the last minute, I doubled up against one of the LOGs (Loose Old Guys). I started to rack up, as I was heading back to Caesar's Palace to play the 11:00 tournament, and the LOG said, "You're leaving?!" I said, yes, I'm going to play in the Caesar's 11:00 tournament, and the dealer backed me up as having asked for a rack and having said I was leaving at the blind. I was still racking up when I was playing my last hand -- AQ. After I hit the flop, and made bets on the flop and turn, I hit two pair on the river, but my opponent hit his flush, and I lost back a bunch of what I had just won. So once again, I left with a small loss. Maybe I should have stayed in that game, because the guy that I doubled up on
was pounding Coronas, and was definitely going on tilt.

In the Caesar's 11:00 tournament, after literally running across the street from the IP, I made the final table, and was hungry, so I ordered some food. There was talk of a chop, but a couple of guys wanted to play for a while. I made a questionable play with AT on the button after two early position limpers. There were about 3700 chips in the pot, and I had about twice that. One of the limpers was the chip leader, and called with 99. I guess I figured that I could steal, but my stack was not big enough to worry the chip leader. It was the curse of the food order, because I busted out before my food arrived. I was nice to the food lady, as she didn't have enough change.
Another guy who order under $10 worth of food paid with a $100 bill, so I changed it for her, and gave her exact plus tip for my bagel.

Which brings me to the health care tips portion of the trip report.

Tip #1: Do not touch your face.
Tip #2: Wash your hands with soap for longer than is normal, and scrub them.
Tip #3: Do not eat without washing your hands first, and do not eat any finger foods.
Tip #4: Especially, do not lick your fingers.

So, there I am with finger food, having just played at least an hour of poker with chips that have been through the fingers of every nose-picking, ass-scratching, finger-licking degenerate in town. What to do? I had a knife and fork, and flipped over the bagel and spread the cream cheese without touching either. Then I folded the large cloth napkin and grabbed the bagel in the napkin. It worked out pretty well, and I haven't come down with anything so far.

OK, so it was now 2:30 am, time to head back to the Palms and have a few beers while playing some more 2/4 limit. This time there was a family and friends table, and I got seated between the friend and the wife. The wife was recovering from throat surgery, smoking cigarettes, ordering rasberry kamikazes, chicken wings, salads, and strawberry daiquiris. This was after the three of them lost $3000 at the Mirage. With that kind of gambler at the table, sitting down so they don't lose as much money, I figured I was good in this game. And I was. As in most of the games I played, I was very tight, and expected to get paid off with my good hands. Almost everyone was in almost every hand, and I just kept folding. I did hit some good hands, and left at around 5:30 to get some sleep. I think that was my first winning session ever in Vegas.

The next day was my last, so I had to check out and leave my bag at the Palms. I followed my previous plan to go to the Luxor, and sat at the wise guy end of the 1/2 no-limit table. I may have played a little too tight, but I did get paid off on at least one big hand by a bad player. After that, I slowly dwindled down, losing a coin flip to a short stack for a small chunk, and eventually leaving with a small win for my second straight winning session. I found myself unable to concentrate by the last couple of hours. I was also paranoid that the wise guys were playing me, and I was probably justified. They could probably see exactly what I held each time I was in a pot, just as if my cards were face up. I wanted to avoid a confrontation with them if at all possible. One guy with sunglasses hanging out of his ears was gunning for one of the wise guys, because of a suckout or two, and of course sunglasses guy overplayed a marginal hand when the wise guy held a monster, and left steaming.

It's funny how there is almost always a tribal atmosphere at each end of a poker table. "Our end," "down here," sit all of the solid thinking players. "Down there," at "that end," sit all of the loose idiot donkeys. Mostly I just listen and nod when my end complains about the other end, gathering information for potential internecine warfare. I give away too much information myself sometimes, however, getting caught up in the cameraderie. That was definitely the case at the Imperial Palace, where as soon as I arrived at the table, I was informed of the LOGs at the other end of the table. So I offered my opinion about how to play them (no bluffing or even semi-bluffing, bet larger than normal with good hands, lay it down if they raise, unless you have a monster.) Too much information! I should just nod and agree sympathetically.

After two days of CAGs, HAGs, LAGs and LOGs, I made my way to the airport, only to find that my flight was delayed over an hour, due to strong headwinds. So I stopped in at the ridiculous Budweiser/NASCAR bar, and bought a giant beer and a whiskey, and whipped out my library book: 'Why We're Liberals," by Eric Alterman. I even took a picture on my cell phone, but I'm too lame to figure out how to Bluetooth it to somewhere for upload. The incongruity was amusing to my beer-addled brain. When we got on the plan, I found I had a whole row to myself! I figured all planes leaving Las Vegas are less full than those arriving, but I never dared dream that I would have three whole seats to myself. As soon as we took off, I immediately lay down and buckled the middle seat belt, so noone could try to weasel their way into "my" window seat. I slept straight through the very short (due to the tailwinds) flight -- jackpot!

Slow Comin' Water

First, a couple of notes.

My kids have started blogging -- see Beary World Stories if you would like to read some of their words of wisdom. One future topic will be an English to Lemur dictionary, so stay tuned.

Last night, I had a hand in the Riverchasers BBT3 tournament that made me feel bad. But I didn't feel bad enough, so I had to quantify how bad I should feel. It turns out I can build a misery index based on one simple parameter. Let me explain. I was on the button with about 15k in chips. The blinds and antes totalled 2100 chips. Everyone folded around to me, and I decided to raise, in order to steal the blinds and antes. I figured that my short-stacked opponent would fold a good percentage of the time. If she re-raised, I would have to call, because she only had enough for a min-raise. She raised, I called, I hit a full house to knock her out, and was roundly chastised in the chat box. I even had to put my head on my paws.

I ran the numbers, and my hand (62 offsuit) is about a 65-35 dog against two random cards. Against a fairly tight range of reraising hands (any pair, any ace), it is about a 72-28 dog. Pretty bad. Until you factor in the percentage of times she is expected to fold. If she folds, I win the blinds and antes (ignoring the small blind.) If I expect her to fold 100% of the time, then I always win 2100 chips. If I expect her to fold 0% of the time, I am a 66-34 dog (assuming I will always call the reraise.) I used the 72-28 number for my calculations, and it turns out that if I expect her to fold about 50% of the time, my expected value is positive. I do not think that is an unreasonable assumption, given that the big blind was about 15% of her stack, and she would want to make a last stand with some kind of a hand, not garbage. Maybe 50% is too optimistic, in which case I made a -EV play.

The call of the reraise was clearly +EV, as I had to call 2670 chips to win 8970, or 3.3-1 pot odds, and I was a 72-28, or 2.5-1 underdog. So strangely enough, after I acted, my new EV for the remainder of the hand was positive, no matter what she does. I like that. Of course, some of that value is "my" money coming back to me, so it doesn't change the EV from the perspective of the overall hand. But it is good to know that someone can't make an effective re-raise.

This sounds like something out of Julias Goat's Stupid/System. If it is stupid, please tell me how.

I will be at Kat's 1st anniversary Donkament (nee Martini Game) tonight, honing my skillz for my upcoming quick trip to Vegas.

:w
:n

Now, about the title of this post. I saw Mean Gene post about misheard song lyrics, and I've been saving up for a post on this topic. I may come back to it in the future, as I remember more, but here is my list:

From "Smoke on the Water":

Slooooow comin' waaaaater,

There's fire in the skaaiiee.

Of course, I knew there was a famous song called Smoke on the Water, and I knew the song with the lyrics above; I just never made the connection. Apparently, a lot of people are confused about the lyrics to this song.

From "I Will Survive":

Oh Commodore!

Just turn around now,

You're not welcome any more!

The real lyric is "Walk out the door," not "Oh Commodore!"

From "I Feel the Earth Move":

I feel the Earth move under my feet.

I feel the sky come on and down,

A come on and down,

A come on and down,

A come on and down,

A come on and down.

From "Come Back" by J. Geils Band:

You're a scumbag,

Babyyyy!

This one was perpetrated by my friend M on his sister, and I went along with it.

That's all I got. I thought I had more, but I don't. If I think of more, I'll post them.

:wq

Strange Days Indeed

The last two weekends were quite a whirlwind, as I saw my long-lost friend, permanent student Dr. Dre, in town for a Psychologist's conference, and then visited over half of the counties in the great glacier of New Hampshire. According to the calendar, it was the first Sunday after the first full moon on or after March 21, also known as the day rabbits lay chocolate eggs and marshmallow chickens. However, with 3 feet of snow on the ground, the rabbit decided to stay snug in its burrow -- no chocolate for the kids. My mother's 400 foot driveway is a rutted sheet of ice/frozen slush, complete with axle-deep potholes conveniently placed so that one needs to drive into the swamp in order to avoid them. Luckily, the snowbanks on either guide the cars back into the ruts.

I followed my Easter tradition of sleeping as late as possible, and then not taking a shower for the whole day. It's not usually a conscious decision, but more of an organic event. Several years, my wife suggested a walk around the neighborhood, and I had to scramble through the shower put on a baseball hat. I always got that familiar feeling of the believers looking at me as if I'm crazy. It started very early, in first grade, on the day after Easter. This was in the days when towns had not yet received the message that requiring children to pray in a public school is unconstitutional. We would have a minute of silent prayer every morning in first grade, and on the Monday after Easter, the teacher asked us to draw a picture on the back of a worksheet of "what you got for Easter." I drew this:

NOTHING


I told this story to my children as I tucked them in tonight, as this is their first year in public school. My second grader sounded like I felt in first grade, a little bitter and envious, and wondering what the "hell" is going on with the believers. I told her that it's OK for people to have different beliefs, and that we don't celebrate Easter, because it's more of a religious holiday than Christmas (which we do celebrate in a Santa Claus/Season's Greetings way.) I did not tell her about the 4th grader who stared at me in disbelief, saying , "You don't believe in God!?" I forgave her for that remark, because she was on my list for multiple "Saint" Valentine's Day cards casually placed in her construction paper mailbox on several trips around the classroom.



NOTHING


is also what I have won in the last week of playing poker. Not exactly nothing, but I have not made either the points or the money in any of the BBT3 tournaments. I also played some stupid cash games, such as Razz, 5-card draw, and Stud Hi/Lo. Finally last night I had a winning Hold 'em session, and this week is another 4 tournaments. Next Sunday, I head to Vegas for a quick couple of nights of poker, so I'll miss the Blogger Big Game. Good thing, because I haven't even been able to beat the token sit-n-goes.

OK, time for some non- transubstantiated libations.

:wq

Rally Against Criminalization of Poker

I attended the rally at the Massachusetts State House today to support the PPA in their effort to strike the provision criminalizing online poker from Deval Patrick's casino bill. It turns out that there is another bill being proposed by Rep. David Flynn of Bridgewater which contains the same language: http://www.mass.gov/legis/bills/house/185/ht00pdf/ht00357.pdf. It seems that the race track lobbyists are the prime suspects for placing this language in both bills, but no one will own up to it, nor will anyone admit to supporting the provision.

If you live in Massachusetts, you should be paying attention to this.

Mass Poker Playing Could Be Criminalized

Go here for more info:

http://pokerplayersalliance.org/pressreleases/newsandarticles_article.php?DID=362

Governor Deval Patrick's casino bill criminalizes online poker, to the tune of 2 years in the state pen, and $25,000. For players. Needless to say, I am outraged by this underhanded and hypocritical attempt to babysit the citizenry. I will be attending a rally on March 18, 9:30 am at the State House to protest this sleazy bit of politics (now that the paragraph has been discovered, no one will admit having included it in the first place.) I will also be contacting my state reps to let them know that I am a voting poker player, and to vote against the casino bill as long as it includes this provision.

:wq

Math Night

Well, it's not MATH night, because that is on Monday, by definition. But it was Math Night at my daughter's school. One of the games was to place six different colored tiddly winks in a paper bag, and keep making draws until you got at least one draw of each different color. There were apparently many who didn't understand, because 6 draws hit about 6 different people. Uh-huh. Maybe try putting the wink back in the bag and mixing them up between draws? The rest of them seemed fairly normal (heh), with one kid taking 19 tries and one taking 26. We got a 13 and an 11. If you squinted real hard, the distribution on the blackboard was starting look like a normal distribution. It was fun spending time with my daughter doing math games, and I will be looking for similar games we can play at home (a lot of them are on her homework sheets, but most of those are more quizzy than game-y.) We walked home by the light of the moon, and enjoyed the stars.

Tonight is also Mookie Night, and I will once again be trying to win a place in the tournament of champions of the BBT3. I cashed in both points and money in last night's Skills game, coming in 4th place. The game was Pot-limit Omaha, and I had a lot of good hands, combined with a dose of luck to make the final table. I think I must have had aces or kings at least 20 times, and doube-suited aces several of those times. I also pulled off a bluff that was either stupid or decent. I happened to be bluffing with the best hand, but I was doing it into a bigger stack, and he called me on the flop and turn. The river gave me a higher two pair on a board with a possible straight and a couple of flush draws that didn't get there. He folded, and I survived. On my final hand, I either called a small raise in a four-way pot or checked the big blind. In any case, I didn't have much of a hand, but I hit top two pair on a rainbow flop, and figured I'm good to go. I bet the 16K pot, and Astin raised all-in, having me covered. I instacalled and lost to his middle set. I'm not sure I have the discipline to get away from that hand in a short-handed situation. I should at least have taken my time to consider what he could have: bottom set, AKJ9 for a wrap draw (QT were on the board), AQxx, KQJx, TTxx (not likely), or QQxx (not likely). It turned out he had TTxx, which I didn't consider likely. So in addition to my "must have draws" PLO mantra, I will add, for all pot-limit and no-limit games, pause before calling off all of my chips.

:wq

Vegas Baby!

I made my hotel reservation for a quick trip to Vegas at the end of the month. I had a free Jet Blue ticket, and researched the cheapest hotels. I found the site TravelWorm.com through CheapoVegas.com, and I got a free night at the Palms. Since I'm only staying two nights, I'm getting a rate of less than $50 a night. I wanted to stay right on the strip, but I figure I can't beat that price. I've been to the Palms before, to a party at the nightclub Rain. I suppose if you're a twenty-something shallow person, it's probably a great place, but I thought it was lame. I grabbed some free food and drink and headed for the poker room at a dead run.

On this trip, I think I'll try to get the free shuttle to the strip (it may be to the shopping area) and play at Luxor and Excalibur. I may also try out the Caesar's Palace tournament, which I've heard is a decent deal. I'm getting in late on Sunday the 30th, so I'll either sleep or play at the Palms if there's a good game going. Either way, I'll sleep very late the next day, and then play as long as I can on Monday.

I'm back playing in the BBT3 tournaments this week. I busted out of the MATH tonight in 13th place out of 86, to earn a few points for something or other. I was mostly happy with my play, except for about 3 hands. One was raising almost half my tiny stack with A6o, and calling the button's reraise. I ended up sucking out with a 6, but, I should have gone all in instead of raising a smaller amount with a relatively weak hand. The second was reraising Kat's 3x raise when she was short, and taking a chunk out of my replenished stack. And the third was calling a reraise after a steal attempt with KJs against tilt away. He went all in on the flop, and I had to fold, leaving me short again. I doubled through the chip leader, then got short again, and finally went out after a small flurry of eliminations, probably gaining some extra points for something.

:wq

Case Dismissed

From the Simpsons movie, one of our favorite lines:

Stereotypical Jewish Mother (who is being arrested for some reason): Latkes are a deep-fried...

Chief Wiggum: Case dismissed.

An update on the note that my daughter found in her backpack. The teacher apparently read the note to the class, without naming my daughter, and said it was bad to do such things. I said great, now she will get retribution for being a tattle-tale. However, the teacher also wrote a note to Mrs. Burger, starting off with:

Dear Mrs. Burger, You are such a great mother!

Mrs. Burger: Case dismissed.

Too friggin funny.

Also funny is my Pot-Limit Omaha playing ability. Although I went out early in last night's Riverchasers tournament, I think I only made one bad blunder. That was the mistake of making a continuation bet on a board with 10-9-8 (or possibly J-10-9) against bayne (the bayne of my existence in this case.) I had just an overpair, and no draw, so I had to fold when he check-raised me. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do in that case, even though I have position. Probably I should just check behind and give up on the hand. I had about 4k in chips left, and the blinds were at 80 and 160. Still enough to do some damage if I'm the one check-raising all-in. I think the takeaway from this hand is that the continuation bet is pointless in PLO. Unless you've got a decent draw and/or a made hand that you're willing to call a reraise with, you should not make the continuation bet.

I had experienced both edges of the drawing sword earlier. On the first hand, I had two pair on the flop, and the turn gave me a boat against my opponent's ace-high flush. He thought it was good, and I more than doubled up early. I started playing more hands, seeing if I could hit a flop with a big draw for me. It didn't happen, and I slowly chipped down. I then had a hand where both my opponent and I obviously had made the nut straight on the turn, but I had no draws. He did, and hit the full house on the river, but checked it. I had raised him on the turn, and he should have reraised on the turn or at least bet the full house on the river. I probably should have just called the turn bet, because I had no redraws. I guess my thinking was to try and take it down right then. I will internalize the mantra for next time: "Must have draws."

I will play in Kat's donkament tonight, but I will not reveal my strategy. Well, OK, since no one reads this, I will reveal it. The basic strategy is only to purchase 1000 chips at a time, rather than the double rebuy of 2000 chips. When you do this, you have the advantages of playing with a short stack, which are easier decisions, and free fold equity from other players while you are all in. Of course, you have to maintain the illusion that you are as loose and wild as everyone else, so you should go all in 4 or 5 hands in a row at some point. If you have a stack at the end of that, great, if not, you will get calls on your next all-in, which will be with a hand. With 20 minutes left in the rebuy period, up your rebuys to double if the other stacks are 8-10k or bigger. If they are still 4-6k, then stick with the singles.

If you have only 10 minutes left, then you have to play more hands and be more aggressive. Don't end up with a lame stack that will leave you with less than 3500 after the add-on at the break. Bet the odd chips so that you have 1000 exactly, or more than 2000 if you win.

After the break, there will usually be way more chips in the tournament than are normal for the first hour (this is true for all rebuy tournaments, I guess, but is more pronounced when the rebuy is only $1.) So if you have a big stack, you can afford to be very patient at this point. Don't double up the short stacks with coin flips, and don't get into big pots without a great hand. I like to attack the middle stacks when possible, no matter what size stack I have -- they have the most to lose, and so you gain some fold equity when playing against a middle stack as opposed to a desperate short stack or complacent big stack.

Last week, I missed the start of the tournament, but I won't miss it this week. After all of those tough BBT3 tourneys, it should be a lot of fun.

:wq

So Stupid

My daughter came home the other day with a note in her backpack that said "You're stupid" and it was signed "from Tom" (name changed to protect the youngun who may or may not have perpetrated this dirty trick.) Three problems are immediately evident:

1. Some kid is picking on my daughter, and she feels bad about it. She has had trouble adjusting to her new school, especially in math, and maybe she feels stupid. My wife and her brother helped her disperse those negative thoughts, and I'm going to be helping her out more actively with the math.

2. The note was in a second-grader's large scrawl, and the signature was in a 3rd-through-5th-grader's smaller, neater printing, indicating that possibly two people wrote the note.

3. The signature was misspelled! This is a huge clue!

Here's my theory: it was the son of the lady at Bingo Night, and they were talking about my daughter the next day at the dinner table. The son is in my daughter's class, and has an older brother at the school. So I think the boys conspired to write the note, and tried to pin it on a classmate. All the more reason to bench them if they are ever on a team that I coach.

Alternate theory: "Tom" wrote the note, and intentionally wrote the "You're stupid" in poor writing, and intentionally misspelled his own name. Probably not. You can reasonably assume that an older brother would say to a younger brother, "Hey! Sign it with Tom's name, and you won't get caught!" But it would take a true future deviant to come up with the double-reverse trick of misspelling his own name in a different hand.

Mrs. Dino's theory: Whoever wrote the note thinks my daughter is So Saga, and this is his way of expressing his love. I suggested that we go to the valentines, and compare the handwriting, but she thinks we should just talk to the teacher about it. Too sensible.

I've played 4 events so far in the BBT3, and cashed in last night's Stud Hi version of the Skills Series. I was very lucky to make the BBT points (top 25%) and the money (top 15% or so). I was squeaking by with a very short stack, and at one point got the rest of money in behind early in the hand, and hit trip 3's to take the hand and cripple my opponent. He said "So stupid". I assume he was talking about my play, and not me, and I later apologized for my stupid play on his blog. He replied and it's all good. Too sensible.

Tonight, in the Mookie, the same player sits down directly to my left! That's not good, because it means he will have the preferred position in most hands when playing me. I would rather it be the other way around, to give me a fighting chance. Anyway, I was out early tonight after getting good cards, but losing on consecutive hands to a crippling suckout (80/20, so not that unusual) and a coinflip for my greatly diminished stack.

I'll have an update on the stupidity in a few days.

:wq